LOCKDOWN A MOCK DRILL

LOCKDOWN – A MOCK DRILL

I am 65 years of age with high diabetes, though I follow a very active daily routine, courtesy my hobbies coupled with the desire to create. I have been looking after my mother for the past 19 years. With the intension of maintaining a good atmosphere my house rules (my perception) were rather strict. I thought that following them would bring in the ease of dealing with (health, mental, care…) issues in later days. This led to scolding, admonishing….that left the atmosphere tense many a times, I must agree.

On my journey towards self-management, one day I decided to let go and let life take its course, everyone comes with their luck I read, and prayed for peace to prevail. Maids took over duties. My concerns were symptomatic, my thoughts were calmer, and life started feeling comfortable. I was trying not to feel guilty of lack of concern, while I kept rationalizing my behavior. This distancing, I felt would lend an easier way of dealing with her departure. Lack of involvement, I thought would make my life peaceful. Then after about a year she passed away at 85 years of age. I waited for 40 nights but did not ever dream of her.

Did this behavior pave a way for me to better handle my emotions? Handle disaster?

That’s when Corona happened. Lockdown started. Friends and relatives’ messages and calls increased. People found more time to themselves, most of them onto their mobiles, connecting, downloading and receiving messages, pics and videos. Everything looked ok. People asked me as to how I was passing my time locked in. My standard reply was “It’s the same for me, no change in my schedule, I am busy as I was, just that I was walking at odd times”. I felt that loneliness had started creeping in too soon in peoples’ lives. Then came calls with the smell of slight panic “What will happen if…”

So what has lockdown done to me? If it has been able to make an appreciable change in my daily life, then I was leading a life mostly with external motivations. External motivations cannot be generally nullified but can be minimized, and this is the time to sit and introspect on issues like: How was my day without expressing my views? Without meeting people? Without the urge of exhibiting? How was my day with myself? Etc.

If you have been a responsible citizen then you need not be policed. You know what is right and what is wrong behavior within the expectations of the society you live in. You just change your actions as per the prevailing conditions. If the mind convinces you to change, then the body follows effortlessly. You must foresee what your opinion does to people and vice versa in these moments. Silence pays. With maturity this calm down within will happen if one can ignore the external interferences. We now have the time to gradually evaluate our beliefs and values, identify our templates and remove them if possible. We can now try to change the way we think, act or choose not to act. 

We meet a large number of people daily, some regularly, and mostly live with a few permanently. Very few live alone physically I presume. There are moments / issues that are bound to interact or interfere. By now we should have discerned the effect of each meet. We now can predict the result of interactions that leaves one contented, stressful or thoughtless? Discern and decide, we have the time at your disposal now. If we all must go all “alone” on the final day, then there will be fewer and fewer people in our worlds as that day approaches. So, find that peaceful company ( thoughts, friends, books, …) that gives you quietude.

Taking a stock of things, have we never estimated/planned a healthy longevity say for 10 to 15 years more? Can we not plan these decades where we can enjoy with practically no responsibilities? With only good thoughts, exercises, good friends or a good partner? All these we know are a result of our investments so far.  We can choose our partner now who could also be our elated thoughts, books or any hobbies…necessarily not a human….

This is the best time when we can work on our internal self. Reduce extrinsic influences to a maximum. Gauge our preparedness so far; see where we need to work upon, find the gaps. Make a log of all those things that we miss and why? How much does of it weigh you down? How well do you know yourself, your desires, wants and needs? It is time to think, contemplate and meditate. As an individual no one can make you feel better than you yourself. Hence I say that this lockdown is only a mock drill preparing you for a bigger calamity. And if all is well after this, it will make us a calmer person, readying to handle adversaries.